Recently, after going for a ride in my automobile, I notice that the radio is blaring to a tune that seems very loud to me. To me it sounds like it is aimed directly at me. While I am concentrating on my driving attempt to maneuver my automobile through the congested roads, the song seems to be blasting from the stereo system, clearly piercing the environment. It seems that it is not long before I lose my mind and cannot concentrate on my driving attempt any longer. With no particular place to go and no particular song to listen to, suddenly I find myself jumping out of my car in a panic. 

This particular situation has occurred twice today: First it happened while I was on my way to work; once while I was in my suburban neighborhood enjoying my Sunday afternoon with my family, and once again while I was on my way to spend my weekend with my baby beside me in my favorite automobile. On every visit to the same particular place, the “radio” had an entirely different tune to play whenever it chose to without preening itself out on each visit. 

For instance, when I was on my way to work in the morning: it was “Pink Flamingo” by The Who. Surprisingly enough, when I finally arrived in the workplace, nobody seemed to know that I was on my way to work. Instead of “Pink Flamingo”, they said, “You’re riding along in my automobile”. It is unknown why they asked me to ride along in my automobile; probably they needed to check whether I wore loafers or slacks. 

In the afternoon, when I was riding along in my own automobile: when a little old lady passed us on the street, she did not recognize me, and when she recognized me, she said “My dear, are you going to steal a kiss at the turn of a pin? You look familiar?” Apparently, she’d seen me riding along in my car in the morning and assumed that I was someone involved in stealing a kiss from her, and so began to call the police, and I put up a confused face and said,” Um, hello, what are you talking about?” Apparently, she thought I was involved in stealing a kiss from her because I was riding along in my car. 

Eventually after I had given the police the all-clear, they let me go: Later that evening, while driving to my house, I reflected back on my experience on my daily trips around town and realized that perhaps this lady, this old woman, was not who I thought she was, and maybe she was a cop. It certainly put a thought of “thefts and crimes” in my mind, and it made me think that perhaps my fascination with her, along with my occasional fascination with driving, and my occasional fantasies of driving, might have been a sign of a potential problem that should be dealt with right away. It also caused me to consider if perhaps I was too close to this woman to be a complete criminal, and maybe, just perhaps, I was not so different from other people in that regard. 

While I was distracted by these thoughts: driving my car, and trying to make my head work, I noticed something else. The identical old lady kept calling the police department on herself and telling them that she wanted to report a theft in progress, and then followed me into the parking lot, which by the way, did not seem like a big place, to me, unless you live in a large subdivision. Then she jumped out of the car with a flashlight in one hand, and a bulge in her pocket in the other, and started asking me questions.

I asked her what was her name again, but she said nothing and looked straight ahead as if I hadn’t even spoken to her, and walked away.